Friday, March 29, 2013

The Pucker Factor


It’s a great mountain road, big curves and beautiful scenery. Everything is just right, the motor is purring and the road is grabbing you and pulling you forward.  You see a yellow sign and you decel just a bit preparing for another big sweeping curve.  You enter the curve and you can’t see where the road continues and you realize this is a little sharper curve than most you’ve seen this day.  It’s not a nice ninety degree curve; it’s an S-curve.  You rise up in the seat a little more, you decelerate just a touch and you lay your hands across the controls. You push down a little more on the handlebar, holding your line in the road by a hair. You pull it all back together and find your line again and now you’re back in control.  You just went from a Pucker Factor 2 to Pucker Factor 8 in less than a second. 
Yes, your butthole just puckered up into an airtight orifice that wouldn’t have allowed even the smallest amount of gastronomical extract to escape.  You’ve entered the world of The Pucker Factor.   We’ve all been there.  It can be a certain road that never lets you really relax or a car that looks like it’s going to pull out of the driveway just in front of you.  Maybe it’s that big dog in the yard up ahead and you’re wondering if it’s going to chase after you. It may be the gang of turkeys grazing just off the side of the road ahead. It can be any one of many different situations that we experience while we’re riding.  But the same thing always happens and there’s nothing we can do about or do we really even know it’s happening at all.

When I’m talking about Pucker Factors, it’s not just moments in time.  I grade roads themselves based on the Pucker Factor.  I would give the Dragon’s Tail on the Tennessee/North Carolina border overall a PF8 just because of the whole experience.  A straight line desert highway in New Mexico would probably be about a PF3, until the coyote bolts across the road.  Usually this will make a PF rating rise just for a moment and then you’ll settle back into the PF3. An interstate highway changes all the time, from a PF2 in the long rides between towns and cities, to at least a PF5 once you hit traffic.  And if you hit a major city during rush hour, you don’t need to worry much about gastronomical extractions until you leave the city.  Every other car has a nut driving it, so if you’re anything less than PF7 in heavy rush hour traffic you’re just asking for trouble.

The amount of Pucker is proportional to the perceived danger in the road ahead.  Unless you have a medical condition, everyone starts off at PF1.  Hell, you have PF1 if you’re sitting in your favorite chair at home, unless that chair is porcelain and you use it for reading a lot, but that’s another story.  When riding your bike the Pucker factor changes sometimes every other mile or so.  A nice big country road with long sweeping curves may run you about a PF2 or three.  You should always have some sort of pucker going on when you’re riding, just to know that you’re paying attention.  But when conditions a head change quickly and you need to come out of your riding coma, the Pucker Factor usually rises to the level of the potential danger ahead.  It’s easy to go from a PF3 to a PF8 in just a second, but it takes time to go from a PF8 to a PF2.  And if you reach PF9 or ten and you’re still on the road you should probably pull over at your earliest convenience, if not to calm down, at least to see if a change of clothing may be needed.  

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Riding The Trace


The Blue Ridge Parkway…every rider in the southeastern US and other parts of the country has heard of it and probably has ridden at least a part of it. But, have you heard of The Natchez Trace Parkway?   I have found that many bikers and travelers have not.
The Natchez Trace Parkway is 444 miles of beautiful scenery, from the delta region of Mississippi to the foothills of southern Tennessee.  It is loaded with 10,000 years of North American history.  Native Americans used the old Trace for thousands of years as a trading path, settlers used it as a way west and future presidents used it for traveling through the region.  Lewis Meriwether of Lewis and Clark fame died along the trace and his gravesite is located along the Parkway.  The Trace has played an important part in American history. 
The only difference between The Natchez Trace and The Blue Ridge Parkway is location and scenery and I realize that statement may have just made you laugh.  But, if you take away the obviously fantastic scenery of the Blue Ridge Parkway, is The Trace just another road?  Maybe, but the Trace is 444 miles long with no stop lights or stop signs, no billboards and usually you can’t see many signs of civilization other than the road you’re on or maybe a few farms or old houses. 
 And if the 444 mile long uninterrupted ride isn’t enough, maybe Indian burial mounds, a ghost town, a burned down 1800’s mansion with lonely Romanesque columns left standing, modern architectural wonders or even the 200 year old home of a captain of spies may interest you.  But the best thing you’ll find is a great road to ride that sometimes makes you feel like you’re the only person around for miles.  The Trace was just rated #11 in the AMA’s Fifteen Best Motorcycling Roads in America.
Traveling from Atlanta, GA, I met my riding partner Jimmy in Nashville, TN. Other than the fact that the northern terminus of the road is located just south of Nashville, there is one main reason for using Nashville as a starting point.  I’m from North Carolina and we take BBQ seriously there.  Nashville has a BBQ restaurant that has what I think is the best beef brisket outside of Texas.  
I found Jack’s BBQ years ago while shooting at the CMA awards for a national broadcast service.  Jack’s is located downtown on Broadway St. and if the lines are any indication, everyone pretty much knows about it already.  The brisket melts in your mouth and the sides are deliciously what you would expect in a down home southern restaurant in the heart of Tennessee.  
After dinner you can wander the neon streets of Nashville looking for that perfect cold beverage, while listening to some great local talent that may just be the next big thing in country music.  At night the streets of Nashville seem to breathe music, with every bar opening their doors to new talent just itching to be heard.

The first morning of the trip began at another famous place for enjoying great southern food.  Yeah, I know, it already sounds like we love to eat on our trips.  But, Jimmy and I have made a deal that we never eat at a chain restaurant if possible.  Nothing will help you get to know more about the country you’re traveling through than sitting down and eating with the locals.  
Not only is the food usually much better than most chains, but you never know who you’ll meet that could make your trip even more memorable. The Loveless Café has been serving up biscuits, country ham and red-eye gravy since 1951.  Usually I don’t like to start the day off with a big breakfast, but the food at this Café makes me think, why not start our trip down The Trace with a breakfast that will take us miles to recover from?
The northern part of The Natchez Trace Parkway begins in the southern foothills of Tennessee and travels through a bit of Alabama before entering Mississippi. The road has broad sweeping curves with small hills leading down to open meadows surrounded by hardwood forests.  The Trace’s corridor is a National Park, so the only signs of civilization are cotton fields or pastures rolling over a roadside ridge.   
The first must stop and see is the Natchez Trace Parkway Bridge.  This bridge is a 1600 feet long double arch bridge that will carry you almost 150 feet above the valley floor.  The valley below is spotted with homes on one side and a horse ranch on the other. The surrounding mountains are covered with hardwood forests that I’m sure would be beautiful in the fall. The bridge, which is sometimes known as the Natchez Trace Parkway Arches, is the first segmental constructed concrete arch bridge in the United States.

Meriwether Lewis, of Lewis and Clark Expedition fame, died traveling on the Trace. While serving as governor of the Louisiana Territory, he was traveling to Washington, DC from his office in St. Louis, Missouri. Lewis stopped at Grinder's Stand, a tavern and inn, for an overnight stay in October, 1809. For months his friends had worried about his state of mind and while staying at the inn it is said he committed suicide with a gun to his head.  A monument has been erected at his gravesite along the Trace. The surrounding Lewis Meriwether Park offers a reconstructed cabin from the time of his death, as well as picnic tables and free camping.
Unlike The Blue Ridge Parkway, most of the time on The Trace you rarely see other vehicles.  Commercial vehicles are not allowed, but you may need to slow down a bit when you come upon a tractor or other farm vehicles.  
Only when you get close to Tupelo or Jackson will you experience much traffic anytime of the year.  Of course Tupelo, MS is the birthplace of Elvis Presley, so some may want to pull off The Trace here to see where The King was born.  Now keep in mind, because the Trace is a national park, there are no road services like gas stations or restaurants.  You have to actually get off the parkway to find these services.  If you pick up a park service map, it will show you where you may find the best pull-offs to gas up or pig out. 
Once you pass Jackson, MS, now you’re beginning to enter the Mississippi River delta region.  More and more cotton fields are along the road and the hardwood forests start to give way to an occasional cypress swamp.  There are places here where you can pull off to see signs of the original Trace when Native Americans were using it as a trading route.  In some places, after thousands of years of foot traffic and then a few hundred years of wagon and horse traffic, the trail has cut 40 feet through rolling hills. 
One of the most surprising stops we made on the Trace, and my personal favorite, was the Windsor Ruins.  Built in 1861, in the brief history of this plantation mansion, it is said to have been used by Mark Twain to view the Mississippi River from the rooftop observatory and its doorway was stained with the blood of a Union soldier.  But in 1890 a visitor left a cigar burning on an upper balcony and the mansion burned to the ground leaving only tall Romanesque columns and iron stairways standing.  The sight of these tall columns from another era over the sea, surrounded by tall Mississippi Oak trees, really makes this site worth the short trip off of the Trace.
Our ride down the Trace ended along the Mississippi River in Natchez, MS.  Our timing was impeccable.  As we followed the sun to the center of town, we found a small park with a walkway along the river.  The view the park offered as the sun set behind the bridge that crosses the river into Louisiana was spectacular.  A river boat was moored along the riverbank and the lights from the bridge illuminated the waves of the Mississippi River as it passed on its way to the Gulf Coast.
I’ve only touched on a few of the many historical, cultural and natural sites along the Natchez Trace Parkway.  The road itself is really worth the trip, everything else is just a bonus.  Sometimes while riding on the Trace, the engine of my Road King would hit that certain tone and the road would be stretching out with something new around every curve.  I had found that zone that so many of us bikers are riding to find.